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But perhaps you are unsure about what retirement will be like. Top Ten Reasons to Retire, by Marge by Marge Sallee (Kansas) TOP REASON -- You won the lottery and have millions of dollars to spend while you can still get around and see everything worth seeing on the planet. "She must be great in the sack then?". Retirement: where the money's no better but the hours are! 78. A retired husband is often a wifes full-time job. Question: Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? You don't have to deal with the jerks at the office anymore. However, you can also look at it as a time with a lot of humor. Try putting these short and funny sayings about retirement in a farewell email or paired with a gift for your favorite retiree. Now it's time to stop fawning over your boss and start fawning over your grandkids. Top Ten Reasons to Retire Now - What Are You Waiting For? Why is it easy to get into a retirement home? The third reason is retirement." Unknown*. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. Here are 10 reasons to retire in Eastern Tennessee: LOW COST OF LIVING In April 2013, Bankrate.com named Tennessee as the #1 Best State for Retirement because of the low cost of living. Now we stay home at night and watch the evening news. Sometimes the good old joke gets, well, old. Because marijuana is legal in Colorado. Rock 'n' roll out of work. Rick Ide On 5/23/04, Iowen wrote: > Please help me!! Allow us to share with you this awesome retirement meme collection. All rights reserved. Retirement Humor and Jokes #69 - 60. Retirement isn't that different from work; you still get to use sheets, visit docs, and steal other people's food out of the fridge. Mental stimulation - learn something new, meditation, read a book, etc. 2. You've been drinking the office coffee so long you think it actually tastes good. A western suburb of Des Moines, Clive stands out as an awesome city. Hello, mimosas by the pool. Start or end a retirement toast with one of these short phrases, add it to a card, or just pair it with a good-natured slap on the back to wish someone a happy retirement. You can get away with being a little harsh when it comes to roasting your retiring boss, but it's best when funny retirement sayings come from a place of respect. Now we ask for doggie bags, come home, and take a pill. If you have to cut yourself a paycheck each month, it makes sense to be sure that your bank account is up to the task. You go, girl! Thanks for your years of hard work and dedication. 82.20 % / 1672 votes. We were sad to hear you're retiring until we realized it means one less person absentmindedly hitting "reply all" needlessly on emails. You can't remember who sent you this list. top ten reasons to retire from teaching humor "I'm what you might call retired. I can't take it any more! 500 matching entries found. Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every . It's less embarrassing to carry your dog's pooper scooper than your briefcase. The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. falls asleep on the couch. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got cannedcouldn't concentrate.After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for itmainly because it was a so-so job.Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.SO I RETIRED AND FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB! 81. Normal. See more ideas about teachers, teacher humor, teaching quotes. The new spending bill makes it easier to save for retirement. Whether you prefer hiking, biking, swimming, playing golf or going to the gym, you can go on weekdays at times when the crowds are lighter. "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." -Unknown. Top 10 Retirement Jokes - LoveToKnow: Advice women can trust Re: top 10 reasons to retire from teaching elem. Post author By ; how do actors kiss when they are married Post date June 29, 2022; Categories In famous pisces leaders; what the first letter of your soulmate . I hear retirement can be really fun, but what's fun about being lazy and bored? When do retiree's make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? With that in mind, check out the top 82 retirement humor jokes. Look for ways to trim costs and keep items in solid condition to stretch retirement dollars. 40. In my soul, you have bred. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? You can't earn back time. The guy touches his elbow . - Hawkeye. prime! Pinterest Today Teacher Survey 75% of teachers reported frequent job-related stress, and 27% reported symptoms of depression. Q: Why did the prostitute retire? 4. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. As a member of the military, you'll have the opportunity to serve a cause that affects the whole world. No matter what a person is feeling, retirement is a major life change. You can tease them for not working and getting older (if they're a good sport). It hurts all over! Are Retirement Jokes the best medicine for seniors? No longer having to punch a time clock is my definition of retirement. Oh, that's right, we'll be relaxed and happy! Congratulations on your retirement! the butt of all the jokes! 3. top ten reasons to retire from teaching humor. Answer: MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL - We have no quality control. - Derek Zoolander. Many restaurants provide great . Cusack's character, Rob, is a big fan of them; so am I. David Letterman had his Top 10 lists, but half the list was nonsense and the lame answers distracted you from laughing at the 4 or 5 funny ones. Age is an issue of mind over matter. The best thing about sixty-five is knowing everything, the best thing #82 - 80. This may require some adjustment, because youll be spending much more time together than you were accustomed to. "What nobler employment, or more valuable to the state, than that of the man who instructs the rising generation." No matter what a person is feeling, retirement is a major life change. Top 25 Reasons to Retire Early. Answer: The never ending Tea Break. Make the retiree laugh with a clever quip about life after they've finished their career. Also, in the 2021 State of the U.S. 1. Who made me surge ahead. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. before the boss does. # 10 - The schedule: I'm contractually obligated to work until 2:00 P.M. That means by the time most workers are getting back from lunch, I'm going to my second job. After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks! You can wear whatever you want. Many people look forward to retirement as a time of freedom. Reasons to Retire and Live in Goa: Tropical Advantages. The 10-year editorial series "Bridging the North-South Gap," about persistent inequities in our city, has been one of the most notable examples of her vision. All four teach the same number of years and earn equivalent salaries (in present dollars). Q: What do retirees call a long lunch? Why did the astronaut retire? I'm sorry, I thought you were already retired since we never see you doing any work! While people retiring today may look beyond the Sunshine State, it's still a huge draw for some very solid reasons. Q: What do you call a show in which a 63 year old man What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Americans are living longer than ever, and that creates some challenges for retirees. are the only ones who have the time. Richard Armour Fun Retirement Quotes #2 Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. 8. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE - We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. Rarely on the same day." Ask Questions. Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it? A: He just couldnt take 52. When you retire do you turn into the old version of Boss Baby? HUMOROUS RETIREMENT QUOTES. current radio caroline djs. With a 5-LB. And > please be QUICK, lol. Answer: Normal. I hate to leave you all here, but I love the idea of me walking out the door more! . 46. You're going to have a lot to get rid of now that you're retired. Best jobs after retirement. Working under such conditions is untenable. Five Reasons Not to Feel Guilty Over Early Retirement #1 If you retired from a traditional job, you enabled someone who really needs it to have it. 31) Retirement - the only real excuse you'll ever have to spend your entire life's savings. Your Savings Aren't Substantial. Ella Harris Before deciding to retire early. 2 Withdrawals from traditional 401 (k)s and traditional IRAs will also be taxed. And > please be QUICK, lol. . Theaters: Hand out playbills and show people to their seats (and possibly see a show for free). For anybody who's been slaving away at their least favorite job, retirement definitely sounds sweet. We used to go to weddings, football games, and lunches. You can get up whenever you want. Earn Respect and Admiration from Your Peers. Top Ten Reasons To Retire, Retirement Humor, Top 10 Reasons Not To Plan For Retirement. come out of the Bingo machine. 35. Top Ten Reasons to Retire 1. When I kick the bucket I hope my obituary will include the line He was fun to be with!. July 1, 2022 . 11. Foreign Editions . There are no more boring meetings. You can take courses and not have to worry about being graded. Be nice to your kids. Some people aim for a certain retirement age, perhaps 62 or 65, while others set a financial goal, such as $1 million in a retirement account. there will be millions of saggy tattoos everywhere. Thanks. Another year has passed and we're all a little older.Last summer felt hotter and winter seems much colder.We used to go to weddings, football games, and lunches.Now we go to funeral homes, and after-funeral brunches.We used to go out dining, and couldn't get our fill.Now we ask for doggie bags, come home, and take a pill.We used to often travel to places near and far.Now we get sore behinds from riding in the car.We used to go to nightclubs and drink a little booze.Now we stay home at night and watch the evening news.That, my friend is how life is and now my tale is told.So, enjoy each day and live it up before you're too darn old! Funny Retirement Quotes. Top 10 Retirement Jokes - LoveToKnow: Advice women can trust, 10 reasons to retire - song for future generations, The Retirement Quotes Cafe - Top-Ten Reasons to Retire Early. Sweet colleague, I appreciate your work report you submitted to the boss. You've retired from your job. 4. You keep telling yourself, just one more year. 5. While many workplaces allow reasonable personal use of the internet during work hours, thats very subjective. Do not forget, however, to treat us before you retire. - Unknown " Retirement: When you quit working just before your heart does. Consider your health care plans, income sources and tax bracket before making the transition. "I haven't actually found out.". ladies? So when the . Retirement is the time in your life when time is no If you do, don't call me; I'll be at work. Try Golfing. A part-time career could mean a stressful future if you don't use some of these tips to prepare for retirement. I hope you like Saturdays because every day just became Saturday! -Talbot Boggs " Retirement is when the living is easy and the . He After decades of clocking in and operating according to someone else's schedule, the lucky retiree finally gets to call the shots - and that's an occasion worth celebrating. top 10 reasons to retire from teaching elem. 77. How many days are there in a Retiree's week? -. Sherriff I always likened retirement to falling off a cliff, and then you have to kind of brush yourself off. Question: Whats the biggest gripe of retirees? Retirees don't need to deal with a boss, a commute or a schedule. More discussions on the Classroom Humor Chatboard Teachers.Net LIVE CHAT Support group - Tues eve! You've been drinking the office coffee so long you think it actually tastes good. Old age is the number one reason for retirement. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. it anymore! So, when your boss knows they may soon terminate you, you will notice less eye contact, less direct engagement, and more 'proxy' engagement," says Grossinger. Homeowners 65 . Every flight attendant knows you on sight, but your next-door neighbor of 15 years doesn't recognize you. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. Now we get sore behinds from riding in the car. Retirement Humor and Jokes. 60+ Good Teacher Quotes - Inspirational Short Quotes About. The results are in and for the second year in a row, Glendale is Missouri's best city. HUMOROUS RETIREMENT QUOTES Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous When I was sixty-five - I still had pimples. Read her resignation letter. - Ella Harris " Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. 'Nuff said. 45. The turnover around the U.S. is 7 years. 18. of old ladies running around with tattoos? 51. 67. A: The You are more relaxed. 3. The most crucial is timing. And some of these descriptions are not retirement jokes! - Unknown "We no longer follow traditional retirement models. Answer: Tied shoes. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. hear a word youre saying! You may find that you enjoy having a morning. Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. stanford business professor jeffrey pfeffer has estimated that work is americans' fifth leading cause of death, and he and several colleagues found that, "workplace stress -- such as long hours,. George Burns Fun Retirement Quotes #3 The trouble with retirement is you never get a day off. "Employees like to work for and with others who have a . It was indeed very perfect so now I need a double treat for the success and my praise for you. Funny retirement card messages give you the chance to congratulate a friend or family member while throwing in some humor at the same time. Retirement-Stories.com Copyright 2008-2012. Clean / Declutter - Organize your space and get rid of whatever you don't need or use. Because they cant Miracle whip. When you realize that the students you taught in your first year are now eligible for membership in AARP. 4. Retirees are beginning an entirely new phase of life where they get to do whatever they want, whenever they want. You may even throw in one of these before the retirement songs start playing at the party. Happy Retirement! You might want to include some of the following in your Retirement Speech - or combine with some Retirement Quotations. How do you know your old? I have never liked working. At some stage retirees must accept the fact that retirement and reduced roles are ultimately a reflection of ones reduced capacities and motivation.